


A Witches Disguise

by tripleyeeet



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: CM - Freeform, Crack Crossover, Crossover, F/M, Loki - Freeform, Loki Odinson - Freeform, Marvel - Freeform, Penelope Garcia - Freeform, Thor - Freeform, Thor Odinson - Freeform, cm x mcu, criminal minds - Freeform, criminal minds x marvel, idk what else to tag this as, just general crack fic shenanigans, mcu - Freeform, platonic!reader x loki, thor x penelope garcia???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tripleyeeet/pseuds/tripleyeeet
Summary: While out on the streets of NYC, Reader and Penelope Garcia encounter none other than Thor and Loki, prompting an interesting conversation about Midgardian clothing.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Kudos: 21





	A Witches Disguise

Penelope literally gasped when she first saw him. He was standing on the other side of the street with his back facing the two of you. From what you could see he had his arms firmly crossed against his chest, his legs widely spread apart as he watched the ongoing destruction of the building in front of him. 

He was wearing a more casual outfit —jeans, hoodie, a light jacket overtop— causing your gaze to almost pass over him entirely, but once you noticed it was actually him you couldn’t stop staring. 

“Is that Thor?” You asked, motioning towards him.

Almost immediately, Penelope nodded and reached for your sleeve, giving it an excited tug as she bounced on the balls of her feet. “We have to go over there,” she said, pulling you towards the crosswalk. 

“Wait, Pen, hold on!” You tried to pry yourself from her grasp, but to no avail. For a mere analyst who spent the majority of her time sitting in front of a computer she was still pretty strong, resulting in your body being dragged across the street against your will once it was safe to do so.

“C’mon, it’s not like it’s a big deal. He probably gets bombarded by fans all the time.” She wrote the interaction off like it was nothing, but deep down you knew that it wasn’t. 

Thor Odinson; coolest Avenger; God of Thunder, was the by far the most intimidating superhero there ever was. Unlike the rest of the Avengers (except for Hulk, obviously) he wasn’t some person you could just walk on up to and have a conversation with. He was literally a God —a figure of unreachable quality too superior to just wander on up to and try to strike up a conversation.

Yet, Penelope Garcia hardly cared. Having been through enough life threatening situations to know that a public figure like Thor wouldn’t even think to cause the littlest of scenes, she knew nothing bad would happen. 

* * *

“How jealous do you think Reid’s gonna be?” She mused as you stepped onto the other side of the street. At that point you were only a couple of feet away, watching as Thor turned to the figure beside him and began to speak. 

“Right here on the sidewalk? Or right there where the building’s being demolished? Great planning.” You heard him say, causing you to raise your brow. 

“How was I supposed to know? I can’t see into the future. I’m not a witch,” the man next to him replied. 

As he spoke, you focused your attention on his attire, noticing how contrasting it was in comparison to Thor’s. He was wearing a full three piece suit, all of it coated in a dark shade of black, and although it struck you as odd that someone would be dressed so fancy in the middle of the day, somehow his appearance didn’t seem all that surprising. 

“No? Then why are you dressed like one?” Thor said, pulling your gaze back to him. Like his counterpart he looked slightly annoyed, the inner edges of his brows becoming increasingly close as he shook his head. 

“Maybe we should leave them alone,” you whispered, leaning into Penelope. “They look like they’re busy.”

As Penelope loudly scoffed and swatted you away in response, both men looked over in your direction, causing you to widen your eyes, the heat rising to your face. 

You couldn’t believe this was happening. All you wanted was a nice day out on the town to sightsee and now you were being caught stalking some superhero on the streets. It was completely embarrassing. 

“Hi! Would you mind taking a picture with us?” Penelope immediately asked. 

The second the words spilled from her lips Thor flashed her a kind grin and nodded his head, motioning for the two of you to come closer. 

Without missing a beat, Penelope practically ran to his side, pressing herself closely to his chest with a sigh. 

“Y/N, get in here,” she said, outstretching her hand to you.

Awkwardly, you resisted, shaking your head as your gaze once again moved to the other figure who stood there. 

Once you focused on him you noticed how unimpressed he looked —how his eyes were practically rolling into the back of his head at the abruptness of your arrival. 

You narrowed your eyes at him, wondering why he looked so familiar until it suddenly dawned on you. “Hey, aren’t you that guy who tried to take over New York?” You blurted out.

“I beg your pardon?” The man asked, cocking his brow. 

Realizing how offensive you must’ve sounded, you opened your mouth to apologize, but were immediately interrupted by Thor’s laughter. “Looks like your witch disguise didn’t work very well, Loki,” he said, reaching to clap him on the shoulder. “That Midgardian saw right through you.” 

_Loki?_

Once again you stared at the darkly dressed man, studying the features of his face, specifically the way it had suddenly permeated into a sinister scowl. 

“I’m not dressed like a witch,” he said through clenched teeth, causing Thor’s laughter to only increase. 

“You say that, yet here you are wearing that,” Thor replied, pointing to his Loki’s chest. 

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Loki questioned defensively, looking down.

 _“What isn’t,”_ Thor scoffed, a smug look cast across his face as he glanced back at Penelope, pointing to her overly patterned dress. “Do you see how this Midgardian dresses? How she wears more than one colour? Maybe if you did that you wouldn’t look so ridiculous.”

At the mention of her outfit, Penelope practically squealed under her breath, shooting you a wide-eyed look of excitement, while you merely looked between the three of them in complete confusion, wondering how on earth this is how the conversation ended up. 

“Midgardian’s don’t always coat themselves in obnoxious patterns,” Loki practically spat. Afterward, he turned to face you, reaching out to grab the fabric of your sleeve. “See? This one’s wearing completely neutral colours. Not an unpalatable pattern in sight.”

“Did you just call my outfit unpalatable?” Penelope questioned, giving him a somewhat grumpy look. 

“Yes, I did,” he replied with a curt nod. “Because it is. How dare you mix pink and orange like that? Have you no honour or decency? They’re not even complementary colours, they’re—“

Before you could even think about what you were doing you were cutting Loki off with your hand, using it to fully cover his mouth, while Penelope and Thor nearly gasped. 

You weren’t interested in anything else he had to say. His lack of politeness combined with the fact that he was most _definitely_ the guy who tried to take over the entire planet made it easy for you to silence his words, causing the sudden boldness in your actions to arise. 

“Thor, it was lovely to meet you, but we should probably get going. Right, Pen?”

As you spoke, Loki looked you dead in the eye, unsure how to respond, because not only was he unwillingly being manhandled by some lowly Midgardian, but his brother was now fully laughing at him, throwing his head back in amusement. 

It was belittling to say the least, and although he wanted to act out in response to your behaviour he merely swallowed whatever pride he had left and shoved your hand away, shooting you daggers as Penelope gave Thor a quick goodbye hug before wandering to your side. 

“See you around, witch,” she said, wiggling her fingers at Loki who rolled his eyes, turning his attention to Thor. Unsurprisingly, there was still a large grin spread across his face. 

“Nice to meet you both!” He said, raising his hand. 

You raised yours back, giving him an awkward wave before grabbing Penelope’s hand and turning on your heel, desperate to leave the Gods to whatever business they were dealing with prior to your interruption.


End file.
